Days 7-8: Celebrations

Apologies for not posting more pictures.  I left the cord that hooks my phone up to my computer at home.  The picture above is from a triple work birthday party on Tuesday.  As a gag gift, my boss got this co-worker a sash and fake mustache (he didn't have to wear the mustache through dinner).  We got a lot of good laughs out of it!  Birthday dinner was held at an elegant establishment called "Uncle Yuu's".  (The name is a bit deceiving, but it really was nice.)  I had beef tenderloin medallions and beautiful orange prawns.  There was wine, smiles, and combat over the lazy susan that held our appetizers.  All in all, it was pretty amazing.

Also, I have a bit of good news.  The doctor completed his tests on my grandpa and found that he is 100% cancer free.  My family and I are breathing a collective sigh of relief.  Big thanks to everyone who expressed their concern.  :)

In the work world, I started my first week of training (ever).  Most of my class sizes have been small, but I've really enjoyed interacting with the workers and bringing them up to speed on how to use our software.  We bribe them to pay attention with candy.  :)  I find it highly effective when I don't eat all the good ones myself.

Tonight, I ate dinner with my friend Toni and her fiancee.  We went to a new place called Sushi Station where the tea was luke warm (but tasty), and the sushi was decent.  In terms of value for our dollar, I think we did fairly well.  It was also neat to learn about the goings on at Toni's work.  She has a cool opportunity coming up, and I'm excited for her.

When I finally got back to the hotel, I joined my co-workers in a game of "Cards Against Humanity".  It's like the messed up adult version of Apples to Apples.  Best of all, the game is relatively free.  It costs about $6 to print the cards at Kinkos.  You can download it here.

Lastly, my romantic life is still going pretty slow again (not the worst thing ever).  I did manage to patch up some hurt feelings with one of my ex's, which makes me happy.  Hopefully, we continue to make forward progress as we get to know each other again.

I was remarking to my friend John that I'm starting to feel like the old, light-hearted Lancifer is rising to the surface again...long overdue in my opinion.  It's really hard telling where tomorrow will take me, but this week has been a good start to what could be some vast improvements in the quality of my life.

Well, it's time for a  little sleep.  I'll catch you all later.

Days 4-5: When It Rains It Pours

(My buddy Jason messing with Popeyes workers)

(My Friday night diet - chips and juice)

I had an epiphany today.  I don't miss Jenny (romantically).  Sure, I miss having someone close that I can confide in and take comfort in, but I don't specifically miss her.  I think that is an important distinction to make.  I hope that she gets done soon with whatever she's doing to move on with her life.  I'd like to re-establish our friendship if possible.

My quest to get whatever I want whenever I want has been put on hold temporarily.  I found out today that my grandpa has a mass on his stomach and is getting it checked out on Monday.  The doctors suspect cancer, but that remains to be seen.  For those of you who don't know, my grandpa is among my top two role-models and a very important person to me.  I know that he is getting old and that his days are numbered, but I don't like acknowledging that he is mortal.  It's like Lex Luthor actually killing Superman.  You just don't think about it.

Regardless of how things work out, I have a lot of great memories from the time I've spent with my Grandpa.  I guess that's the most important thing.

On a side note, I've resolved to talk up one stranger per day (as opportunities present themselves).  On my plane flight back, I met a lady from Spokane, WA.  She was flying with her youngest of six children.  The family resemblance was uncanny; every detail from their long slender noses to bright ginger hair were identical.  I learned that she grew up in Arizona but didn't do much sightseeing when she lived there.  She hasn't even seen the Grand Canyon, which made me laugh.  Her husband is a mechanical engineer from the University of Idaho.  He did not ride with them, though.  We shared a lot of other conversation, but I don't want to bore you with the details.

Well, back to science.  Toodles!

Day 3 - My Dichotomy: There Can Be Only One

Stare at the sun too long, and all you get is burned. 

I think life is telling me to just do whatever the fuck I want all the time without regard to consequences, morals, etc.  I am rewarded when I do selfish things and punished otherwise. 

Today, Jenny decided to give up again.  Even though I'm fairly okay with that, I still have some feelings for her...so today sucks a little.  This is what I get for trying to have a normal, healthy, sustained relationship.  On the other hand, my lecherous, pure fun relationship is going strong.  There is no challenge.  I can get pretty much anything I want at any time, so I need to decide whether I'm giving up on the good guy in me for a while or not.  Being the good guy just doesn't seem to pay off.

*thinks a moment*

...No, my mind is made up.  The human brain is a complex pattern recognition machine.  We experience patterns and develop heuristics for life that serve our interests.  In my case, trying to be what I would consider a decent person leads to heartache, disappointment, and the dulling of my emotions.  Perhaps it's time to put that person I was aspiring to be to rest.  Life demands that I be a little more self-interested and a lot more manipulative (for lack of a better word).  So be it.  Tomorrow begins a new experiment.  It's time to get what I want when I want it and by any means necessary.  Some of you might see this as a dark road, but I see it as...realistic.  I'll keep you posted.

Day.....2? - Resurrection

Well, it's been a while since I blogged, but I think I remember how this works.  Allow me to catch you up.

• Romantic life - I'm currently dating Jenny from Springfield and a girl named Maggie from St. Louis.  I'm not as crazy about Jenny as I was before, but I think this is a good opportunity to try having a normal sustained adult relationship.  I think this would be going better if she hadn't burned me so bad before.  Every day I hope that things will get back to the way they were for me (mentally and in terms of attraction), but it just isn't happening so far.  Maybe I just need to give this time to develop into whatever it's going to be.  *shrugs* 
• Romantic Life 2 - Maggie, on the other hand, is a very casual interest.  She has been a lot of fun hanging out with, and demands very little.  I'm not sure this is a healthy type of relationship to have, but I think that I shouldn't be afraid to try something new while Jenny is unwilling to commit to anything significant.  We'll see how things develop, I guess.
• Work life - I've been put in charge of purchasing, receiving, quality, and transfers at three different warehouses on our client site.  I've been working hard scoping the project, and now I'm beginning training with the clients.  The programming phase will be coming up too, and I can't wait for it!  A big step up in responsibility might signal a raise/promotion for me if I can follow through with this.  We'll see how things go.
• Other life - I haven't really had one.  I've spent so much energy chasing women and working that I haven't had a second to breathe (or blog).  Nothing is ever easy, I guess.  Also, video games are pissing me off.  If League of Legends continues to disappoint me, I'm going to uninstall and pick up the guitar again.

I did spend some time sightseeing around California a couple of weekends ago, and that was pretty fun.  I saw the Jelly Belly factory in Fairfield, CA.  They have Jelly Belly artwork all over the place and a gigantic tasting area.  Nom!  I also toured Alcatraz and walked along the Golden Gate Bridge.  My friend Toni generously hosted me during my touristy time.  Big thanks to her for putting up with my crap for three days.  :)

In other news, I'm distraught that the Packers beat the Bears for the NFC championship.  I have been a Bears fan since I was big enough to own my first football....game.  Worst of all, my friend Shaun is a big Packers fan, so I have to put up with his gloating for at least a whole year.  =/

Well, that's all the catching up I can stomach.  I'll bring you some more specific and entertaining posts here soon.  I just wanted to lay the foundation for this next chapter.  Hopefully there aren't any more pauses for jager and tears (metaphorical - I cry less than Chuck Norris).

2011 - Day 1: Everything Has Changed

I am back from my winter vacation, and I guess it's time to fill everyone in on what has been going on.  As many of you know, I had lots of exciting girlbot adventures.  I found someone that I began to deeply care for.  She was smart, fun, and kind.  She isn't interested in me, unfortunately.  It burned me pretty bad, but I have recovered.  There are many lessons I could take from this, good and bad. 

I have elected to be a little more guarded in the future.  I will never take women at their word again if I can avoid it.  I consider both of these to be undesirable outcomes, but I also recognize them as valuable survival skills.  I really think there has to be some level of compromise.  I also realized that girls like her are out there.  Maybe there is someone who will have the qualities I want and recognize a great thing when they see it.  In any case, I have no harsh words for Jenny.  I wish her the best of luck in her life, and I would be amiable toward the idea of our paths crossing again in the future.  I don't place much hope in that, though.  Hope and unabashed feeling have not served me well of late.

I return my focus squarely to my work, my health, and the pursuit of something better than this existence.  I expect that there will be a lot of leisure travel during this stage of the quest.  I need to go forth and experience the world anew.  I have let this half-fulfilled version of myself limp on for long enough.  Time for a teamkill to force a respawn.  ;)

I leave you with a couple of thoughts on failure.  They come from the book The Fighter's Mind. 

"It comes back to dealing with adversity.  Too much adversity, too much losing, and it becomes the 'same old same old.'  It becomes a habit - it's not devastating.  But if you only lose once in a while, at rare CRUCIAL times, you can build to a much higher level.  You can use that as fuel." ~ Dan Gable

"'Investing in loss' means to study your defeat without ego, let defeats happen in practice without reverting to your old habits, and grow from it." ~Sam Sheridan

Days 16 & 17 - Girl Troubles

It's pretty bad to find out that someone is not as into you as you are into them, but it's worse to get the "we should be friends" speech from someone you really like...or is it the other way around?  In any case, I got both of those talks. =/  Jenny's was handled very adult-like, and we're still cool even though I am disappointed in her decision.  She evaluates things the way that I used to, by assessing which path has the most obstacles and choosing the other.  I, on the other hand, have started to look at the potential in a relationship and choose that which has the most promise.

Mandy's words and actions are often inconsistent, but now I know where she stands and to some extent what she expects.  I think our conversation probably hurt our relationship some, but I'm hoping that things will go back to normal after a while.  I really need to develop patience in relationships, especially when the other party had a nasty breakup from a serious relationship.  I guess we'll see what happens.

I moped a bit the next day, but I rebounded surprisingly well.  That evening, my roommate and I went to a mutual friend's house for games and movies.  I got skunked every game, but I still managed to have some fun.

From these events I've realized a couple of things.  First, I haven't really dated in seven months or so (a good chunk of my illness).  All of that desire for companionship is rising to the surface, and it's hard to relax those feelings.  I need to give people a little more space and try to trust a bit more.  Maybe then I'll find an environment more conducive to landing a long term lady friend.  Lastly, I'm going to make a lot of mistakes until I get some more dates under my belt.  I need to get better at forgiving myself and moving on.  I hope that some of these girls will be patient with me as I grow in that department.

Wednesday....CAKE CONCERT!  Look for a badass update.  :)

Days 14 & 15 - The End of the Race

Saturday and Sunday were rather hectic with dates, visitors,etc.  Saturday, I was supposed to tour Ranken, but after a night of almost zero sleep I completely forgot about my appointment.  =/  I'm going to try to re-schedule for some time Thursday, I think.  Saturday, Shaun stopped by.  We played some fierce Rockband 3.  As it turns out, Shaun is pretty badass with a keytaur.  Even on pro-keys he did a good job. 

Later that evening, Mandy invited us out to a bar with some of her friends.  We played a few rounds of nine-hole (taught to me by my friend Kelley) and designed super hero costumes before setting out.  The bar turned out to have live entertainment (super loud) and a general lack of billiards or arcade games.  The only productive thing I really got out of the experience was negotiating a few days off for Mandy around New Year's Eve.  I'm unsure how this will impact my Goat House party plans as of yet...  The evening ended with everyone crashing at my place after driving home through a giant snowstorm.  Fun stuff.

Sunday was a lot calmer.  Shaun and I chilled at the house in the morning.  Mandy left early for work.  At this point, my eye infection had grown a little more irritating, so I started looking into optometrist availability.  (There is none on Sunday...)  Ultimately, I called in a favor with my friend Drew's dad and got an appointment for the first thing Monday.  This ultimately cancelled my work travel for the week.  Surprisingly enough, there were a number of positive outcomes from this.  First, I'll get to hang out with Mandy Monday night and watch Inception on blu-ray.  Second, I can actually use my Cake concert ticket for Wednesday!

On Sunday evening Jay, Steve, and Alex (Steve's wife) all grabbed some sushi with me.  Steve is not typically a raw fish eater, but he's coming around.  I stopped by Mandy's house on the way home with the sole intention of giving her a proper goodnight kiss.  I think it worked out rather well.  It wasn't long after that Jenny cancelled our plans to hang out next weekend, for which I am simultaneously relieved and disappointed.  Cancelling long-standing plans is one of my SUPER pet peeves, so she loses out big time.  I think this has probably concluded the competition for my affection.  Mandy is a great girl, and I'm looking forward to exploring the potential of our relationship.

Note: The second picture was taken at the door of a shop adjacent to the sushi restaurant.

Day 13 - Movie Night



Friday was date night with Mandy, and I hoped that it would help me gauge our social compatability a little better.  It was scheduled to be a quiet movie night, and everything pretty much went according to plan...for once.  We brewed up some tea and watched The Count of Monte Cristo, a bunch of episodes of The IT Crowd, and a few episodes of The Guild.

One of the exciting moments in dating someone is deciding when to go for physical contact.  Nothing racey, just a simple holding of hands, back rub, etc.  Up until now, it felt like Mandy and I had this invisible force field between us, but that finally came down.  I'm not really an expert on giving/receiving signals for this kind of stuff, so each time it happens, I'm pleasantly surprised.  I think that Mandy has potential as a girlfriend, but I'm just going to have to be patient and enjoy getting to know her before I have a definite answer.  This is probably a healthy attitude to have for any girl I end up dating.  In any case, I welcome the opportunity for growth in this area.

I pretty much forgot to take a picture today, but there was one on my phone.  Above is a pic of my cable...  I especially like the sub-titles.  Thanks Charter!

Day 12 - Homeward Bound

This week has been tough, and looking back, I'm pretty sure that lack of sleep was the main factor.  At long last, I have finally gotten back on my schedule!  I'm a creature of strict habits with regard to my sleep and diet.  =/

I thought for sure that I'd miss my flight this week and get stuck in Denver.  We were already delayed for the first leg of the trip by an hour, which had me FREAKING OUT.  That's what we get for taking the very last flight home...  Luckily, my friend Jason helped me through the A-List security line so that I would make it through in time.  I literally walked off of my first plane, across a hallway, and onto my second plane.  Talk about luck!

When I got home, I went to Mandy's house and met her mom.  Mandy and I just kinda talked and watched How to Train Your Dragon until about 3 am.  I don't know whether we were both tired or what, but I wasn't feeling the conversation.  We'll have a chance to redeem ourselves when she comes over today.

An observation about my social development....  I seem to have grown comfortable with the "get to know you" phase of relationships, but I'm not a great conversationalist for what comes after that.  I'm not really sure why, either.  It just doesn't come naturally to me.  I think that only practice can really help with that, so I'll try to make every topic count tonight.

The pic is from Buffalo Bill's Brew House in California.  It is a brewery, bar, and restaurant.  They have a fantastic red ale, and the nachos and BLT are substantial.  (Nachos pictured above...)

Days 7&8 - A New Challenger Approaches



Days 7 and 8 are being combined because the shenanigans happened overnight, bleeding into day 8.  Day 7 was Saturday.  I had plans to meet my cousin Joe at the Tilted Kilt in St. Louis, but they fell through.  A friend of the family was murdered in my hometown, and Joe went back for the funeral.  That left me scratching my head as to what I should do.  It should be noted that at this juncture, I was still recovering from the blow of Mandy dating some other bloke.

The facebook vote suggested I go to a party in Rolla where beer pong would happen.  In total agreement, I packed an overnight bag and met up with my friends Kelley and Jenny.  We played some fierce beer pong.  I was the clutch man, taking two games into overtime when we would have lost otherwise.  We also played a lot of fun drinking card games.

Now, the next part requires you to know a little history.  I had a crush on Jenny for a looooong time back in college, but she was perpetually unavailable, as most girls are in Rolla.  I pretty much gave up hope of catching her interest, and we went our separate ways.

Next thing you know, Jenny pulls me into the bathroom, and we do some quality kissing...the kind you still feel once they're over.  I would later be propositioned by a ditsy blonde that I shot down.  I'm not a ho.  The rest of the night was relatively uneventful.

The next day, I returned home to learn that Mandy called it off with her ex, so now he's an ex for good.  I'm left with the choice of which I want to pursue.  Maybe dating will actually be useful for once and help me make an informed decision.  I typically hate dating, but it seems to be the most reasonable solution here.  I guess we'll see how it goes.  Adios for now!

Days 5&6 - Back to the Basics

Day 5:

SJC Taken Over by War of the Worlds Aliens

Sorry I missed Thursday!  I travelled/worked most of the day, and I didn't get home until 1:00 AM Friday.  Bleh.  Looking back, this week has been stressful for two reasons.  First, I didn't know how this whole Mandy situation would work out.  I really like her, which is a vulnerability I'd rather not nurture without some assurance that it is reciprocated.  In any case, the second reason I've been stressed this week is because the first phase of my project is coming to an end.  All of the hard work we've done over the past few weeks is being compiled into a report (eight pages of bullet points on just my stuff) for the group to review next week.

I've learned that attitude can play a huge role in my workplace happiness.  This week, my goal has been to start every day in a positive frame of mind, and although it wasn't perfect, I did a pretty good job. My work was monotonous but not unbearable as it has been the past few weeks.  I even enjoyed a few meetings and felt like my relationships with my teammates was improving.  Overall, I would say that this strategy has proven very effective.

Day 6:



Spending Time with Mandy

As I said, I've been thinking a lot about whether I should invest in this potential Mandy relationship.  I thought I had been pretty clear about expressing my interest, but I hoped to cement that sometime after we went Christmas shopping tonight.  The mall trip was not very exciting, but then one of her friends invited both of us to a bar.  We set out, and I found out on the way that she just started seeing one of her exes.  I was too late...  However, I've decided that she is worth the fight, so I'm going to stick with it.

We went to the bar, had a great time drinking and playing pool, and I told her to dump the guy she is with for me.  She said that if it doesn't work out, I'll get my shot.  Based on our awesome chemistry, I really hope that it's soon.  She makes me feel all warm and mushy sometimes, and I like that.  Honestly, I am a little ill equipped to deal with these types of emotions.  It has been a long time since I genuinely liked someone enough to fight for them.  This may be a first, actually.  In any case, I'm trying to keep my enthusiasm down and prepare for the worst, but it's probably an effort in futility.  I have a serious crush going.

Sometimes it's hard for me to convince myself that I deserve someone great...  Well, I do.