Stare at the sun too long, and all you get is burned.
I think life is telling me to just do whatever the fuck I want all the time without regard to consequences, morals, etc. I am rewarded when I do selfish things and punished otherwise.
Today, Jenny decided to give up again. Even though I'm fairly okay with that, I still have some feelings for her...so today sucks a little. This is what I get for trying to have a normal, healthy, sustained relationship. On the other hand, my lecherous, pure fun relationship is going strong. There is no challenge. I can get pretty much anything I want at any time, so I need to decide whether I'm giving up on the good guy in me for a while or not. Being the good guy just doesn't seem to pay off.
*thinks a moment*
...No, my mind is made up. The human brain is a complex pattern recognition machine. We experience patterns and develop heuristics for life that serve our interests. In my case, trying to be what I would consider a decent person leads to heartache, disappointment, and the dulling of my emotions. Perhaps it's time to put that person I was aspiring to be to rest. Life demands that I be a little more self-interested and a lot more manipulative (for lack of a better word). So be it. Tomorrow begins a new experiment. It's time to get what I want when I want it and by any means necessary. Some of you might see this as a dark road, but I see it as...realistic. I'll keep you posted.
I think you should see where this takes you. I feel a life lesson is there somewhere. :)
ReplyDeleteOr, maybe you could be a little bit more discerning about the girls you date instead of becoming a giant self-centered, manipulative tool?
ReplyDeleteYou need to remember that not everything in life can be approached from a logical, factual point of view. There are too many variables involved; people are too flawed and too different for you to ever get a REAL result. Emotions don't have to be logical all the time--that's what's so great about them.
Sorry, but this isn't the Lance I know, and it grosses me out a little bit.
The are people who get bent out of shape when someone suggests that putting yourself at the top of your priority list.
ReplyDeleteThese people must believe they only get by on the charity of others. Why else would they be so threatened by it?
There are also people who are offended by the notion that people can be understood. This kind of person must be afraid of how they'd been seen if they were closely examined, if they had to explain themselves in any rational, accountable way.
Or maybe people are powered by altruistic fairy magic and are completely unpredictable and when they do predictable stupid shit, it's okay because of magic emotions out of anyone's control.
..Yeah, that must be it.
As counter-intuitive and contrary to my nature as this seems, I am going to give this a shot and see how it goes. I don't think I'll turn into a complete bastard purely because I don't derive pleasure from being a douche.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think that trying harder to manipulate my environment into something more in line with my desires isn't unreasonable. If this doesn't work out, I can always go back.
Thank you for your candid responses. I really value the fact that my friends offer a wide variety of perspectives.
Have fun with the science. I don't think I'll be able to say anything that you'll listen to unless you come across the lessons on your own. Just keep in mind that failure is a necessary step to success, and that neither one actually matter.
ReplyDeleteLance!!! Part of living a full and happy life is embracing who you are. For sure, its honorable to aspire to be virtuous all of the time (its one of the things i admire about you) but you can't persue happiness without acknowleging and embracing who you are and what you want. It is possible to be a good person and still indulge yourself and put yourself first some of the time. What if the universe isn't rewarding your life of virtue because it has another plan for you? You'll never know unless you listen and let yourself try a new way of life for awhile. Trying something new won't change who you are inside... but it might help you find true happiness. Do what feels right in the moment and your true friends (and the universe) will support you. :)
ReplyDeletePS I miss you... dinner next week?