I sense a growing discontent with things, and I'm not sure why. I thought I wanted companionship, so I sought and found companions. This has not really improved things so much as made for some drama-filled experiences. I have also experimented with indulgence. I got wasted this weekend with friends and partied to my limit, but it brought me no lasting peace. Perhaps pouring myself into my job will help things. Ha! Nope, that never works.
Regardless of what I do, there is an emptiness that I cannot seem to fill. Additionally, I have found myself contemplating my mortality more than usual. Nothing good ever comes of this, but it seems that I cannot avoid it forever. We will all be dust in the blink of an eye, and we will never be here again. There is nothing after this, and I find no solace in the fairy tales we tell ourselves to sleep better at night.
In spite of all of this, I continue my quest for happiness. I think that, perhaps, the only real point in life is survival. The rest is immaterial. The question remains, "where do I devote my time and efforts?" Do I give up everything for a fresh start, or do I just focus on one or more areas of my life in the hopes that they prove a worthy distraction?
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Companionship is necessary for happiness, but making an agenda out of it never seems to work well. Seems like it's best when it happens naturally.
ReplyDeleteI recommend you find a passion and pour everything you can into it. Find something you like to create or do and go crazy with it. This tends to lead to companionship anyway.
I'm not sure that companionship is necessary for happiness. Additionally, I wonder if I am trying too hard to conform to others' ideas of happiness instead of my own. This will require more experimentation.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't limit "companionship" to meaning "ones with vaginas." Good friends are always better than forced romantic interests. Furthermore, life can be stupid, revel in its absurdity.
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