Day 3 - My Dichotomy: There Can Be Only One

Stare at the sun too long, and all you get is burned. 

I think life is telling me to just do whatever the fuck I want all the time without regard to consequences, morals, etc.  I am rewarded when I do selfish things and punished otherwise. 

Today, Jenny decided to give up again.  Even though I'm fairly okay with that, I still have some feelings for her...so today sucks a little.  This is what I get for trying to have a normal, healthy, sustained relationship.  On the other hand, my lecherous, pure fun relationship is going strong.  There is no challenge.  I can get pretty much anything I want at any time, so I need to decide whether I'm giving up on the good guy in me for a while or not.  Being the good guy just doesn't seem to pay off.

*thinks a moment*

...No, my mind is made up.  The human brain is a complex pattern recognition machine.  We experience patterns and develop heuristics for life that serve our interests.  In my case, trying to be what I would consider a decent person leads to heartache, disappointment, and the dulling of my emotions.  Perhaps it's time to put that person I was aspiring to be to rest.  Life demands that I be a little more self-interested and a lot more manipulative (for lack of a better word).  So be it.  Tomorrow begins a new experiment.  It's time to get what I want when I want it and by any means necessary.  Some of you might see this as a dark road, but I see it as...realistic.  I'll keep you posted.

Day.....2? - Resurrection

Well, it's been a while since I blogged, but I think I remember how this works.  Allow me to catch you up.

• Romantic life - I'm currently dating Jenny from Springfield and a girl named Maggie from St. Louis.  I'm not as crazy about Jenny as I was before, but I think this is a good opportunity to try having a normal sustained adult relationship.  I think this would be going better if she hadn't burned me so bad before.  Every day I hope that things will get back to the way they were for me (mentally and in terms of attraction), but it just isn't happening so far.  Maybe I just need to give this time to develop into whatever it's going to be.  *shrugs* 
• Romantic Life 2 - Maggie, on the other hand, is a very casual interest.  She has been a lot of fun hanging out with, and demands very little.  I'm not sure this is a healthy type of relationship to have, but I think that I shouldn't be afraid to try something new while Jenny is unwilling to commit to anything significant.  We'll see how things develop, I guess.
• Work life - I've been put in charge of purchasing, receiving, quality, and transfers at three different warehouses on our client site.  I've been working hard scoping the project, and now I'm beginning training with the clients.  The programming phase will be coming up too, and I can't wait for it!  A big step up in responsibility might signal a raise/promotion for me if I can follow through with this.  We'll see how things go.
• Other life - I haven't really had one.  I've spent so much energy chasing women and working that I haven't had a second to breathe (or blog).  Nothing is ever easy, I guess.  Also, video games are pissing me off.  If League of Legends continues to disappoint me, I'm going to uninstall and pick up the guitar again.

I did spend some time sightseeing around California a couple of weekends ago, and that was pretty fun.  I saw the Jelly Belly factory in Fairfield, CA.  They have Jelly Belly artwork all over the place and a gigantic tasting area.  Nom!  I also toured Alcatraz and walked along the Golden Gate Bridge.  My friend Toni generously hosted me during my touristy time.  Big thanks to her for putting up with my crap for three days.  :)

In other news, I'm distraught that the Packers beat the Bears for the NFC championship.  I have been a Bears fan since I was big enough to own my first football....game.  Worst of all, my friend Shaun is a big Packers fan, so I have to put up with his gloating for at least a whole year.  =/

Well, that's all the catching up I can stomach.  I'll bring you some more specific and entertaining posts here soon.  I just wanted to lay the foundation for this next chapter.  Hopefully there aren't any more pauses for jager and tears (metaphorical - I cry less than Chuck Norris).

2011 - Day 1: Everything Has Changed

I am back from my winter vacation, and I guess it's time to fill everyone in on what has been going on.  As many of you know, I had lots of exciting girlbot adventures.  I found someone that I began to deeply care for.  She was smart, fun, and kind.  She isn't interested in me, unfortunately.  It burned me pretty bad, but I have recovered.  There are many lessons I could take from this, good and bad. 

I have elected to be a little more guarded in the future.  I will never take women at their word again if I can avoid it.  I consider both of these to be undesirable outcomes, but I also recognize them as valuable survival skills.  I really think there has to be some level of compromise.  I also realized that girls like her are out there.  Maybe there is someone who will have the qualities I want and recognize a great thing when they see it.  In any case, I have no harsh words for Jenny.  I wish her the best of luck in her life, and I would be amiable toward the idea of our paths crossing again in the future.  I don't place much hope in that, though.  Hope and unabashed feeling have not served me well of late.

I return my focus squarely to my work, my health, and the pursuit of something better than this existence.  I expect that there will be a lot of leisure travel during this stage of the quest.  I need to go forth and experience the world anew.  I have let this half-fulfilled version of myself limp on for long enough.  Time for a teamkill to force a respawn.  ;)

I leave you with a couple of thoughts on failure.  They come from the book The Fighter's Mind. 

"It comes back to dealing with adversity.  Too much adversity, too much losing, and it becomes the 'same old same old.'  It becomes a habit - it's not devastating.  But if you only lose once in a while, at rare CRUCIAL times, you can build to a much higher level.  You can use that as fuel." ~ Dan Gable

"'Investing in loss' means to study your defeat without ego, let defeats happen in practice without reverting to your old habits, and grow from it." ~Sam Sheridan

Days 24-27: Time at Home

Day 24:

I spent my first night back in Farmington visiting my old school and some of my old houses.  Ultimately, Josh got done with some of his family obligations, and we went to the bar.  After finishing a couple of beers, we decided to watch some Scott Pilgrim back at my dad's place.  Unfortunately, booze makes me sleepy, so I didn't make it through the entire flick.  I'm just glad I didn't wake up with a markered penis on my face.

Day 25:

When I arrived in Iron Mountain my Grandpa wasn't home, so I took a long walk to my place of Zen.  Sometimes communing with nature has a unique way of putting me at ease.  Once I got back, I spent all day with Grandpa including helping him load up his trailer with firewood and filling up his furnace.  We also lit a big bonfire.  Mwahahaha!

Day 26:

Samantha read my fortune for the year.  Start at one o'clock and work your way around.  It looks like a promising 2011, after all!

Day 27:

This is my sister hiding from the camera.  We pretty much played Mario all day and goofed on the computer some.  Exciting stuff.  :)

Days 20-23: Short and Sweet

My winter holiday has started, and I'm planning on taking a little break from blogging.  However, I had a goal of posting one picture for evey day this year, so I will continue to post pics as time permits.

Day 20:

I took my sister's advice and came home for strawberry cheesecake.  It was dericious!  I also played a lot of cards with my step-mom and grandparents.  Grandma schooled pretty much every game except one.  The last game, was a landslide victory at rummy.  I swear she gets two jokers every hand.

Day 21:

This year, I actually took the time to make my presents aesthetically pleasing.  They're still missing bows, but I know my dad always has a stash.  I also cleaned my room and did some other random chores on this day.



Day 22:

Sarah took me out to a Blues game completely at random.  We lost, but I really enjoy watching all the action!  Hot dogs (NOM NOM NOM), beer, hockey....what's not to like?  Sarah was a lot of fun to hang out with.  I can't think of a better person for my roommate to date.

Day 23:

We hosted game night on Tuesday night.  Jason needed to get an oil change for his holiday travel, so I ended up doing a lot of the cooking.  The picture above features one of the dishes that I made.  I was worried that my kitchen incompetence would be at work here, but everyone seemed to really enjoy the food.  We followed up with the Family Guy Star Wars movies and a game of Acquire.  Acquire is Monopoly-esque, and I found it to be pretty fun.  I took a very close second place at the end of the game.

General update:

My dating situation continues to improve.  Jenny and I have been talking every night, and the more we do, the more I like her.  We re-scheduled her visit to St. Louis, and I may even visit her in Springfield if we're lucky.  It depends on whether I can secure some sleeping arrangements.  I also really want to see Zack and Sam while I'm there.  I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens.  :)

Days 19 & 20 - Now what?

At the end of the work week, I look back and appreciate the opportunities I've had over the past couple of weeks.  I got to hang out with pretty girls, go to a Cake concert, get into the holiday spirit, and enjoy the fact that Asher is finally home. It's been a good few weeks!

Thursday was spent working, playing video games, and listening to Cake.  There are sooooo many songs that I don't know by heart, but I must learn them all.  Todays pic is actually a 105.7 pic from the concert.  I just wanted to share a good one of the concert.  Otherwise, you'd just get a pic of me at my computer with my headphones.  =/

Friday, this year's Christmas presents started rolling in!  I'm so excited about the hot wheels set I'm getting my nephew.  I remember when my brother and I used to build insane tracks out of a bunch of random kits that weren't even designed to go together.  I hope he likes it.  I spent a good chunk of Friday chatting Jenny up.  I still have hope that things will work themselves out.  I have pretty much given up hope on Mandy, though.  She seems to be avoiding me, which I have learned to be girl code for, "don't waste your time."  Maybe that's an inaccurate assessment, but that's how I interpret it.

My sister wins the sagely advice award this week with, "You're a man. A fault in intelligence is to be expected. Come home and eat away your sorrows in strawberry cheesecake. Mom made some earlier."  I need to find something really cool for my sister this year.  She is awesome.

Day 18 - Have your Cake and eat it too!

This picture amuses me because it captures almost every element of the concert (except the band).  Note the Mary Jane fog, the lights that didn't even raise for intermission, and the halo bar over my right shoulder.  Someone almost walked right in front of this picture, so I started to make a really funny face.  I almost wish the camera would have waited another second before going off.

Seeing Cake has been one of my childhood dreams, and I have an overwhelming sense of satisfaction from crossing that off of my bucket list.  Doing things like this makes me feel more goal-oriented.  I think my next big undertaking will be the space shuttle launch in April.  If I can get tickets and a good place to view it from, I should be happy.

Also, be sure to check out Cake's new album that is shipping out January 11, 2011.  It's going to rock.